Growing a life worth living

September 5th, 2009

I recently came across a comment in a wealth building community, it said “you can’t grow a company by cutting costs“. This makes sense. Making savings is a function of expenses. At best you could save everything you spend, but that isn’t going to increase your income, just the amount of money that you get to retain. If you are pulling in a fixed figure per month, then that is as much as you are earning. The most you can keep is that figure, and no more. If you want to grow, you have to do something else.

This thought has been fascinating me for the last month or so, as I’ve been engaging with the idea.

What I have come to realise is that there is an analogue between cutting costs and saving time. I have a list of things to do as long as anyone’s arm, and I find myself operating out of a ‘if I can just get my list done then I’ll have time for…’ mentality. The bills need paying, the bank statements need reconciling. The house need redecorating, as well as a patio laying and some damp proof course needing replacing. Then I have a bazillion books I need to read, some papers I need to write, and some friends I need to get back in touch with. That’s on top of the demands (and luxuries) that come from having a growing family, and a startup business. How on earth do I juggle all that? The seemingly obvious thought is that I need to just be more efficient, and save time, so that there is more time to fit it all in and get it all done. The obvious answer is that I just need to save time.

But, the wealth lesson suggests that that is wrong. You can’t grow a life by saving time, as you can’t grow wealthy by saving costs. This should be obvious, and it becomes so with a little thought experiment. I imagine that all of my tasks are done, and stay done - the bills pay themselves, the statements reconcile and file themselves automatically. The books get read, and the information is available to me anytime I want to use it. And so on. What is left? Just a whole lot of time, and nothing on my todo list that needs to be taken care of….. so what then? Ah, now there’s time to do the things that I really want to be doing. Interesting that, how the day to day tasks get in the way of the real things that are important, and prevent them from happening at all.

I’m reminded of another metaphor about things in life being compared to different sizes of stones, pebbles, gravel and sand, where size is importance. A life itself is compared to a finite sized container, in which all the things get put. The moral is that if you fill it with sand first, then there is no space to put the large things in - they just don’t fit. The suggestion is, start with the big things, and the small things will automatically fill the gaps between… but don’t whatever you do don’t fill it with the small things first, otherwise the important things wont fit.

I can’t grow and develop the things that are important to me just by servicing the distractions that arise as part of my lifestyle, and I can’t grow just by trying to be more efficient at those things. The more time I save, the more that can be done in that time, and the more things need to be done. The tasks always grow to fill the available space, most of it is just sand, there’s an infinite amount of it, and it can consume all spare resources.

We are born to grow, obviously. Little children get bigger, and as they do so, their life keeps changing as their comprehension and interests develop. However, it seems to me that most of us reach a particular point and then just stop. Life contains what it contains, we don’t physically grow anymore, new things don’t come along and change the focus away from the old things. We get in a groove (or rut), and nothing changes on its own… and when it does it’s usually a problem - an accident, a health issue, or being made unemployed. We are busy with the business of maintaining this lifestyle, doing all the tasks we have set ourselves, or doing things to distract us from those things.

How many of us are actually growing still? What of the things that are really important to us? How much of our time do we really dedicate to those things? Any? Or are we working out of the (false) assumption that we need to get the little stuff done first before we can really start pursuing our dreams?

Thawing.

May 8th, 2009

The great thaw has begun.

One mode of being gives way to another, and I’m very excited about it.

I finished working for my current employer in a few days time, and start working for a new outfit. But, the new job allows me to work from home, in the comfort of my garden room office. I am _so_ excited for the possibilities that that affords me.

I’m sitting here right now, and the sun is streaming through the trees and into the room. I am feeling more positive that I have for a long long long time.

The new role has me leading the company as chief architect. At last I’m my own boss again, with a team of smart individual that I’m am looking forward to inspiring, and driving into uncharted waters and pastures new.

It’s been a long time, and I’ve been on a bit of an adventure during that time. I now have a PhD in Theoretical Physics, and a beautiful wife and genius of a 2 year old child. Our second is due in November, and I’m so excited.

Today is always the first day of the rest of your life. This is also true of every moment. I’m reminded that in each and every moment what I chose to put my attention on influences the results that I get.

No longer with the attention on mediocrity. Anything is possible, through the possibilities afforded right here and right now. For me, today, that’s me enjoying my up and coming freedom, and the challenges that that will bring.

(Old) Friends will be (new) friends

January 20th, 2009

Over the years I’ve had a lot of friends. I’ve lived in four different towns and in each acquired the best of friends, people with whom I would spend pretty most of my spare time with, discussing life the universe and everything or just playing or listening to music with.

Today though, I find myself in a town where I’ve lived for going on a year and a half, and I can count the friends I saw last year on one hand, and the number of times I saw them on no more than two. I have become a social recluse, a situation I have paid lip service to resolving many times.

So, in stark contrast to me having no friends, I look at my facebook roster and it tells a different story. I have, what is it, 50 - 100 friends say. With that many friends what’s my problem? Why do I feel lonely?

I’ve been putting some thought to this over the last few weeks.

So what is it? I reckon that the problem is that I am in fact a recluse. When I’ve had good friends, they have usually been small in number, and we have had fairly intense relationships. Lots of talking, lots of reflecting, lots of insight (or ‘upsight’ as Neil Stephenson would call it [1]). I’ve never had loads of friends, or been a complete socialite, but have focussed most of attention of a small group, one or two people who mean the world to me. So, when I’ve moved away there hasn’t been the bandwidth available for such maintained introspection, and we have drifted apart. I naturally focus my attention inside, on intellectual pursuits [2]. It’s a different world there, and time passes, and my friends aren’t around so I don’t notice that they’re not there, at least not whilst I’m working and thinking. And then, I look up and time has passed, and my friends moved on.

So there’s the answer to my problem. The reason I have no friends is that I’ve not maintained any friendships. I’ve left all my good friends behind, and I don’t have the time to burn [3] that I used to have to spend time to pursue a friendship with any of the random people I must have met in my day to day activities over this last year.

So, what about this facebook thing then? It’s a funny thing. I’d call it a phenomena. In the last two weeks I’ve been ‘friend requested’ by three of my best friends of all time, from my first two lives. These are people that I sadly lost a long long time ago, people with whom I would have gladly spend all my time with. And here they are again, 20 - 25 year later in one case. Oh how I’ve changed over that time, and I guess oh how I’ve stayed the same! What of them? No idea, a quarter century is a long time to catch up. And, the same problem persists. They are still where they were, not local to me, not easy to catch up with. It would be easy for me to let that drift, like I did last time. I could quite easily do it. When I moved to London last year from Brighton I left a good friend behind, and I’ve hardly seen him in that time, despite him being my best friend, and missing me too. Uh-ho it’s happening again.

Except this time there is email, instant messenger, skype video. T here are free mobile phone minutes, and phone text messages. There is facebook. Many many opportunities for me to reconnect. I’d like to do that.

So here I am on the train again, the daily commute in the dark to a far city. Me and my laptop and my coffee. And, this time, all of my friends are with me if I care to engage with them. I hope that they care to engage back.

[1] “Anathem” by Neil Stephenson - very much recommended.
[2] “Joe’s quest to change the world”, coming to a blog near you soon I hope.
[3] Daily commute from London to Cambridge, nightly routine with small child, then over tired and too little energy to do anything.

Untangling my thoughts - kick starting this blog.

January 4th, 2009

Aaarrgglle. That’s what goes through my head every time I think about my blog.

Actually, that’s not quite true, but I’ve been finding it tough getting some momentum behind it, even though I’ve been feeling for a long time that it’s really important for me to develop my written voice. I’ve been really frustrated at my inability to get it together.

Many times during any particular day I can generate quite clear and focused thoughts; hey if I was able to write those directly into my blog - mind recorder stylee, wow! That would be great. Ideal!

But here, at the computer, I have far too many thoughts all competing at the same time. Arrrrrgglle. How do I get them all down, or even get just one clear thought down? I find it so difficult. It’s taken me the best part of an hour (ok, two hours now!) just to get to here. At this rate I’m not going to get anything out.

Right. So here’s the deal. I’m going to use this blog to tease out the various threads of conversations that I have been having with myself for years, that I’m kinda afraid to put out there in public. I want to get good at it, and not have to take hours and hours agonising over every sentence. I want to get it all out, so that it isn’t just bouncing around in my head consuming me on a day to day basis. Maybe no one will read it, or maybe everyone will and I’ll be the laughing stock. You know, that’s life. Not everyone is going to agree with everything I say, and not everything I say is going to make any sense… but I think that enough of it will, that this is worth doing.

So, please, I would be very grateful of any support, advise, critisism that you can offer me. And, bear with me when I start waxing lyric on topics that seem crazy. They are! I have crazy thoughts…. crazy enough to maybe actually change the world, one day. Who knows? What I do know is that they never will unless they get out of my head and into the world where they can make a difference.

So here it is.

April 5th, 2008

Can you believe it? I’ve been on the web since ‘94 with my simple web sites composed of just a home page. Periodically I update them, to add a new link or such like, but really they are pretty poor. There is personality to them, and I am not well represented.

Well, time for a change. This is now my official home page. I will be collecting my thoughts together, and posting them here for anyone who is interested. Primarily however I am doing this for myself for I want to get some of these ideas out of my head, and out in the world.